A Memoir of Christian B.

I worked with Christian two summers at a camp in New Jersey. The camp was on the shore and near to NYC. We found common interests and hung out a lot. It was good times.

Today, I heard from another co worker he was found dead yesterday. Details are unknown but it really doesn’t matter either way.

The first time we hungout was the weekend before the campers arrived and several cars of people followed him to “the beach” once we got there, it was a nudist beach. Another time, at night several of us decided to go swimming in the pool. The next day we found out that during the day it was closed because a camper defected in the pool.

And probably one of my funniest memories is when he and I dressed up in “costumes” and there was one of those boards where you stuck your head out of and the campers threw sponges at us. The “concoction” as we called it, was made from old left over stuff from the kitchen and smelled horrid. The campers put the sponges in it and threw them at us. One of the campers ended up projectile vomiting. It took several showers to get that stitch off and the ground reeked of it for weeks.

The second year, I came in early and we went to the city for a few days and during a separate summer I was in the city for a trip and he came up to meet up.

There are plenty of others but needless to say they all were good.

Anyway, we had a lot of fun. Sad to hear about you going.

Boston 2013

Monday right after the bombs went off I was glued to the TV. I was left like many people wondering why. I think all of the things that have happened over the past two decades in the US it is showing how we aren’t an ‘elite’ country.

As soon as the story hit mainstream media, people from experts to the average person was saying how it is a act of terror. People are too fast to jump to conclusions.

Running has never been truly considered a sport in mainstream media and I think that this event kind of put it back on the map.

In Austin, there is a huge running community and tonight there was a vigil/run at the popular running trail parking lot. I saw a lot of people wearing their Boston jackets and medals from Mondays race and other Boston Marathons from years past. It was something I have never experienced before. In front of me there was a group who had completed the race and they were crying. I guess that is when it became real for me. The running community nationwide has embraced this as a way of support.

I am proud to be a part of this group.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Blah blah blah

Earlier in the week I had my 6 month appointment with the real doctor not the PA. It was only the second time I have met with him in three years.

Anyway, as soon as he came in he started asking me about DBS (I had it done but it had to be removed) and I almost immediately said “I have no interest in trying it again” Then he did the general exam and said he thought botox might help me. Again, I was like I have no interest.

He left the room to fill my prescriptions and left the door open. His office is apparently nearby and I could hear him dictating his notes (man, doctors are lazy) to his computer. He was like try and obtain post op MRI records, look into getting botox injections at a reduced rate and obtain records from a doctor who I had never seen before.

Apparently specialists don’t know that no means no. They are so research driven by big pharmaceutical companies that it takes away from the patient to doctor relationship.

On the plus, I am only going in once a year now as opposed to six months. I only go to get my rx refilled.

Netflix.

I watch a lot of netflix and here are some of my favorites I have seen lately.

Series
House of Cards – about corrupt politicians
Touch – a child with autism can’t speak but uses numbers to communicate to help others
Freaks and Geeks – high school in the 80s
White Collar – a con is released into FBI custody to help fight crimes

Movies
The Giant Mechanical Man
Amber Alert
Big Fish

Check them out.

Therefore I Am [Not]

French philosopher René Descartes came up with the “explanation for it all”: “I think, therefore I am”. Years later, his statement turned into “I _________, therefore I am _____________.”

Although the saying has all but disappeared, the feeling is still there. In social media “groups” of disabled people discussing like issues, I feel like a lot of people with disabilities are like “I have a disability therefore I am disabled and unneeded”.

While his concept was true to an extent, I think if you are going to label yourself or put yourself into a category, it shouldn’t be able to fit into two blanks to define you.

The problem with many people with disabilities is they are given no hope. The government doesn’t help like it should and as a result people with disabilities feel like they are irrelevant.

Personally, I try not to do the whole ____ therefore I am _____ thing. If I did I would be living in the past or letting my circumstances define my life.

Food Stamps for free?

A friend got this sent to him on accident. I don’t need to elaborate. Its a pretty clear indicator though of how flawed the ”system” is.

Excuse Me Sir, Is That Old Spice?

The other day I was doing a quick run and towards the end a girl passed me and then a guy. This was no ordinary guy though. I could smell his cologne as he passed me. He was wearing a two size at least too small spandex shirt and was likely the girls trainer. He could have been on Jersey Shore
Enough about the guy though. Less than100 yards after he passed me, he and the girl stopped in the middle of the trail and started high fiveing. I shook my head as I passed by them.

While I love running, I also enjoy seeing these people. I like to prove others wrong…to show that despite what is going on I am able to hang with most and that makes me happy. I don’t put on cologne. It does make for a good laugh though.

Racing

I really don’t like races and its mainly because of the huge amount of people. I do miss the crowds of people cheering though.

So, the Austin Marathon was Sunday. I volunteered Friday and saw the mass of people and decided the next afternoon if I was able to get up by 5am I would run it.

Well, I got up and ran it. I did much better than I had expected. For the last four or so months, I had only been running five miles several times a week.

Maybe it was my spur of the moment decision that didn’t allow me to over think the run..I don’t know. But I regained much confidence in my racing abilities.

I plan to do the same for the next races. I know there is a big ten miler and a huge 10k in the next two or so months.

I am just glad I woke up.

USA USA

For those of us on disability or other “governmental” programs, they are nothing more than a way to keep you dependent on others and the government.

One can not possibly live off of what disability pays and if you make any amount above 80 dollars a month, a certain amount is taken out of the monthly disability check.

The “insurance” is a joke too. No specialists are covered so I have to pay out of pocket. Good thing I only go once every six months to just get my prescriptions refilled.

I do not like being dependent on the government or others for that matter. However, the way that the system is set up “we” will always be dependent on the government and others and that is sad.

Dream on, dream away

Real dreams like when your asleep not hopes and dreams.

Anyway, so for awhile at night I’ll dream stuff and then I’ll either love it or hate it. Either way, I have found myself waking up consistently at say the hours of 4am to 6am. If its something cool then I’ll try and go back but if its something really strange I am cool with knocking it out.

The crazy thing is all my dreams whether good or bad have a twist of real in them. Like Ive dreamed that I was playing poker in either some kind of restaurant or cafeteria (which I used to) but this was different.

Usually I will remember the basics of the dream. From what I know a dream is a mixture of reality and non reality. Ive had a mix of dreams as of late..some good some that scare the dickens (what is a dickens) out of you.

I am glad I am able to remember pieces though. Its makes more fun for the puzzle.