We live in a country where the government spends in excess of 25 million dollars on a Barry Bonds perjury trial – which was more than  they spent on the 9/11 investigation but they are cutting spending for SSI/SSDI. How does this make sense?

I have hated the idea of ‘being under governmental control’ from the beginning but it is something I had to do. I have to have under a set amount in my bank account at the beginning of each month and if it is even a penny over you will lose benefits and have to prove you have less than the designated amount.

The middle of the month I got a letter saying I had too much money and I went into the office and showed them my bank account information. The person I spoke to said I will continue to get ‘benefits’ but when I called to make sure everything was good to go nothing had been changed on my record. The banking information that was provided and they kept they had no record of.

With the ‘insurance’ you get free medicine, free county hospital visits and free clinic visits. The only time you can talk to a real doctor is at the hospital and even then its not proper care. I have had to go to a neurologist and pay out of pocket to get to talk to a legitimate doctor but I am only able to afford the office visit – over 300 an hour. Its sad too because this doctor wants to try some things that could help me – like botox.

I don’t like my current situation at all but I can’t do  anything about it. I have spent some time waiting in the social secrity offices lately and the majority of the people choose not to work it is because of them I think that the social secrity department is being more difficult.

Either way it is a pain and I hate every aspect of the government. It is a joke. Either you are taking advantage and getting away with it or you are doing right and being punished.

Run Run Fast As I Can?

April 5, 2011

I meant to write this right after the Austin American Statesman Capitol 10k but I didn’t and here I sit nine days later trying to remember what I was going to say.

I ran the race route two or so weeks before the actual race just to get an idea of what to expect. When I ran it, it was 4pm on a weekday so at every intersection and stop light I had to stop. Anyway, so now I had an idea of what to expect.

My goal was 45:00. I ran at least five miles every other day at a similar pace so I figured why not. When I registered it asked for anticipated finish time I said 45. When I picked up my race packet I found out I was right behind the elite runners. So I was in the very front of 23,000 plus people.

The weather was cooler than normal and it was windy which didn’t go well with what I was wearing. I got to the race really early because of fear of lack of parking so a large part of my time was spent sitting in my racing gear. I should have stayed in the car or ran around the block – something.

Anyway, at 8:30 the wheelchair people go off and the runners are set to go at 9. Once the gun goes off I go. I know what I have ahead so I try to keep a good pace.

The thing with running and me is alone I can run fine but get me in a situation like a race where people are there watching you I never meet my goals. I have done a lot of races from the smallest distance to the largest and its always the same result. I need to start out in the middle and start slow and after the first mile or so pick up the pace. But thats for the next race.

Back to the Cap 10k…so right at the first mile my leg starts to tighten up and I eventually had to stop and stop again and one more time. After the third time I was fine. I picked up my pace and was able to finish. My time wasn’t anywhere near what I hoped and was disappointed. I didn’t run for nearly a week after either.

The winner finished in 30:00.

As much as I hate to say it dystonia affects my outcome in racing situations. If I am anxious, stressed, nervous, etc my symptoms always are worse and I feel that is part of the reason I have problems racing. For every race I have been in I don’t know of one where I haven’t had to stop. It is what it is though.

But if you don’t run, please don’t say ‘well at least you finished’ or ‘I don’t think I could even do that’

I am planning to do the Bun Run 5k on May 1st and the Susan G Kolman Race for the Cure on May 7th in Tyler and after that I plan to enter the Rogue Racing marathon training program – it starts May 24th.